Full Circle
by Kuroya-hime
Summary: "I'd never been one much for Christmas but this had become out sort of tradition. . . . Happy Birthday Allen. Marry Christmas."


**Hey everyone! Ugh, so me, being my usual forgetfull stupidself, forgot to email Jackie the edited version of this before I left... So I had to re-edit aaaaall of it last night... I also still (as I am making this note) have not given this a name... Because I suck at naming things... Bleh... I made Lenalee not so bad here... Well anyway I hope you enjoy this! Happy birthday Moyashi-chan!  
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>P.s.- there's a lot of stuff that might not make sense and might need explaining cuz I didn't edit it properly... So feel free to ask :P when I get home I'll put up the good version that was not edited at lighting speed...<p>

We sat around the table, a fire to my right and an empty arm chair to my left. We were silent, remembering. I'd never been one much for Christmas but this had become out sort of tradition. And empty, pitiful tradition.

-

"Alright guys," Komui, our manager said from his desk. "I've auditioned some vocalists and I think we've found a match. He'll be coming into the studio today for practice, so we can see how you like him." We were replacing our old singer, Alma, who got fed up and moved away. none of us were all too happy about it but Kanda was taking it the hardest. He and Alma had started the group originally and brought Lenalee and I in. "Why don't you guys go down to the recording booth and get warmed up."  
>"We don't need a new fucking singer." Kanda said menacingly.<br>"Ne, Yu-chan we're not much of a band without a singer." I got in before getting the tip of mugen to my cheek.  
>"Don't use my first fucking name Baka Usagi." The Japanese teen was always pissy about getting called 'Yu' with anyone but Alma, but since he left he had gotten worse.<br>"Come on Kanda, you can't kill Lavi." Lenalee smiled sweetly.  
>"Thanks Lenalee." I sighed.<br>"Yeah, we won't sound any good with out a guitarist." She said snarkily before laughing lightly. So much for saving my ass. I dropped my head and pouted jokingly.  
>Lenalee and I began tuning, me on guitar and her on bass while Kanda grabbed his drumsticks and was twirling them skillfully. We started to practice our most popular song, _.<br>I jammed out the heavy intro (no I'm not mistaking the songs just wait for it). Lenalee and Kanda joined in on their parts, Kanda's sticks coming down harshly with anger. He always sound best when he was pissed, but you could ell the sound was way too harsh and overpowering. An empty silence held the air in the hole where the vocals were. I blanked out towards the guitar break, letting my fingers move on their own when . . .  
>"Hikari no moto yami wa umare" A high tenor began to fill in the cracks and our sound evened out perfectly. The steady melody I play was being matched by an electric piano. "Shinjitsu wa itsuwari ni yureru." Suddenly there was a large slam on an innocent drum set accompanied by a threatening growl before Kanda went flying out the door.<br>"Kanda!" Lenalee shouted past him, but he had disappeared. I lifted my guitar off me and bolted after him. Pushing through the door I caught a glimpse of a white figure standing before the mic. Out in the hall our drummer was releasing his fury on yet another inanimate object.  
>He continued to shout angrily in his native Japanese as he maimed the leather couch.<br>"Kanda." I said quietly. He couldn't hear me. "Kanda." Nothing. "Yu!" He stopped suddenly, closing his eyes as he sunk into the ruined couch.  
>"Don't call me that." His bitter tone was quiet. "Only he could call me that. He can't be replaced."<br>"We're not replacing him Kanda." I attempted to console him. "No one could, but we need a new winger otherwise this band will fall apart." I watched him as he ran his fingers though his long raven locks.  
>"Why did he leave us?" Kanda's tone was so much softer than usual, it worried me. "Was it so unbearable?"<br>"Kanda, you knew him best. He couldn't handle the stress everyone was putting on him." I put a gentle hand to his shoulder. "We need to go back Komui and Lenalee'll worry."  
>We returned and were greeted by a boy a year or so younger than us. He was a strange sight, but also incredibly beautiful. The boy seemed to be a strange white angel that had fallen a long way. He had a lush chin length snow colored hair and perfect pale skin. The steely mercury of his large eyes stared at me, boring into my mind with a gaze of someone who had seen the horrors of the world. But there was just enough sparkle that you knew that he had seen its wonders as well. He was a perfect being except for a deep red scar running from his forehead to the bottom of his cheek. Some how it made the boy seem even more like an urethral beauty that had been cast aside.<br>"Hello there, my name is Allen Walker." The boy said with a crystalline smile and a gloved hand out stretched. "Lavi and Kanda right?"  
>"Y-yeah," I had found myself staring at him as I shook the hand. "Were you the one singing?"<br>"Yes I was." Allen beamed with excitement. "That's one of my favorite songs by you guys."  
>"Wow, you a fan?" I smiled at him, he's cute.<br>"Yep," His bright smile widened. "But its only of recently that I've learned your songs and followed with the piano."  
>"Dang, you're good kiddo."<br>"Don't call me 'kiddo'!" the singer gave an annoyed face. "I'm gonna be eighteen in a couple of months."  
>"Seriously? When's your birthday?" I asked.<br>"The 25th . . . .of December."  
>"Christmas? You're a Christmas baby?" I began to pinch his adorable cheeks. "Daw Cutey!"<br>"Er. . ." He said awkwardly.  
>"Lavi, let the poor kid go!" Lenalee was standing in the door, her hands on her hips. After a while we continued rehearsal. Allen added his piano solos and intro's to some of our songs. These additions added a drama and excitement to our sound. He was good. Really good.<p>

Three months. Three months and we had risen up so high. We had an entire album out and it was selling fairly well. Never would we have gotten here before. As much as all of us hated to admit it, Alma was nothing compared to Allen.  
>"Ne, Moyashi-chan!" I trotted up to our cute little singer.<br>"Lavi!" His mercury eyes shot me a look. "Don't call me that, you're just as bad as BaKanda."  
>"Le gasp!" I said dramatically. "How cruel you are Allen! And here I was going to tell you about Christmas eveyour birthday at my house."  
>"Oh, gee Lavi thanks, I really wish I could but," he held his hands up apologetically. "I have prior engagements that I really can't get out of."<br>"Daw, that's too bad, Yu-chan was all excited about your birthday sex!"  
>"WHAT?" tears almost formed as he burst out laughing hysterically. "That probably wouldn't even happen if hell froze over!"<br>"Ya never know! You'll be legal now." I giggled with him.  
>"Gee Lavi, if BaKanda heard you say this he'd maim you."<br>"Say way, Baka Usagi?" The acid words splatter on my back. Mugen was poking at my spin threateningly.  
>Oh shit. "Fucking run Lavi!"<p>

Lenalee:

Over this long year, we learned a lot about Allen.  
>The Noah recording company he used to work for had him under the image of a persona named Clown Crown. There he composed, preformed and conducted as there star, but after one too many issues revolving around the work load, crediting and relationships he decided to leave. He was tired of masks he told us.<br>We also found out he was gay. It was last New Years we found out his boyfriend Tyki had been cheating on him. He came to us smiling, but it had been Kanda who had seen past that smile and broken him down into telling the truth. So much for being tired of masks.  
>Next we met Marian Cross, Allen's drunk bastard of an agent. Apparently he was a friend of nii-chan's, but they honestly didn't seem like it. The man seemed to belittle and treat Allen like a slave, but the white boy didn't seem to mind. Some how he seemed more like an annoyed younger brother than put down or angry.<br>Then it was Mana, a poor pianist who had picked Allen out of an orphanage. He was Allen's foster father and the one who had taught him how to play the piano. From what he told us, he was a great man. When Allen was ten, he died in a car accident. It was the very same one when Allen got his scar, white hair, and his deformed arm.  
>But despite his hardships, he pulled through to become the breath taking musician he is now. And he is the one to help pull up to fame. We're famous now, rock stars. Everything we've dreamed of is coming true.<br>"Guys!" Komui burst into the practice room, an ecstatic smile on his face. "NBC just called!"  
>"And?" Lavi exclaimed, nearly jumping ten feet in the air.<br>"And they want you guys to be the guest band at the Christmas Show!" We all began screaming like little girls, sans Kanda, and were hugging each other. Lavi's arms barely touched me before my brother tore him away. "You'll be flying to New York a week before the performance."  
>Our celebration stopped.<br>"New York?" Kanda said calmly.  
>"Kanda you can't let Alma keep you from performing. . ."<br>"I won't," He said, sharply interrupting me. A frightening smirk crept onto his lips. "I will gladly go to New York."  
>"You need to let him go." Lavi put a hand on the older drummer's shoulder. "We all want to see him again, but don't go looking for him. If he wants to, he'll come to us."<br>"I know that, Baka Usagi." He said brushing off the red head's hand.  
>This would be our biggest stage yet. Our broadest audience, and exhilarating thought. So we practiced like hell. This was going to be our best performance. Allen was writing a new song for us, giving each of us our individual parts but not letting us hear his singing or piano. Finally it was time.<br>"Half hour 'til go time!" a woman called into the female dressing room. I brushed out my short bob of dark hair and fixed the black and silver chocker Komui gave me. I was wearing a glittery silver tank top with a black pleated mini skirt and my signature black thigh high boots with a green strip running up the sides. I finished off the outfit with black bangles, a green belt, the same color on my boots, and a black and white Santa hat.  
>I found my way to the warm up room, meeting Lavi along the way. His red-brown hair lay around his face, its shattered edges spiked slightly. He was dressed in white leather pants, distressed gray combat boots and a rolled long sleeved black dress shirt with a white best on top. Three red dog tags hung around his neck and chest at different lengths over the top three unbuttoned buttons that showed his toned chest.<br>"You ready for this?" He hopped up and down excitedly. In his hand was the dark gray Santa hat he had yet to up on.  
>"Yep! I'm sooo pumped." A few minutes later, Kanda walked in. he had on ripped gray jeans, a white v-neck and a black blazer with the sleeves pushed up. Two blue belts crisscrossed on his hips and matched his blue skater shoes. "Is Allen on his way?" I asked, wondering where our little white haired singer was.<br>"I though he already left." Lavi said slipping on his fur trimmed hat.  
>"He went to a separate dressing room." One of the make-up artist near the door said. "He said he needed to get something."<br>Reassured, we started practicing and finally. . .  
>"Five minutes 'til show time, make your way on stage and set your positions."<br>Allen was still no where to be seen. Picking up my bass, the three of us went to the under frame of the stage where we'd be brought up.  
>"Welcome to NBC's Christmas Concert 2011. . ." The MC began as the crowd began to cheer.<br>"Where's Allen?" I yelled at Lavi and he only gave me a nervous face.  
>"And now our wonderful guest band," The crowd was going wild. "Exorcist!" we were lifted onto the brightly lit stage, air rushing over us like the adrenaline pumping through our veins. I looked down at the stage from our raise positions. A white grand piano stood at center stage.<br>"That piano," I whispered and glanced at Lavi who had the same shocked expression. "No way." The crowd had dwindled to silence. Now we knew exactly what was happening. Suddenly the stage flooded with smoke. A white figure in a shredded white cloak appeared on top of the piano. On its face was a silver and black mask. Under the cloak was a classic pianist's tuxedo. I grabbed my mic and yelled, "Clown Crown!" he stuck his arms out in front of him and smiled.  
>Calmly he stepped down from the piano and the crowd silenced. He sat down, put his fingers on the black keys and began to play. That slow and beautiful melody rang through our the concert hall holding a stillness in the air. The side of that silver mask flicked at us and Kanda began to raise his drumsticks. A final chord and. . .<br>Clack, clack, clack, clack.  
>Lavi began the heavy chords we had rehearsed and I started strumming out the bass. The steady beat of the drums rang out as Kanda slammed down on them.<br>The cloaked figure stood up and gracefully tore off the mask and cloak revealing Allen. His white hair was spiked in the back and his one gold earring dangled from his ear. He had on a true beaming smile. Allen Walker had taken off his mask to show his true happiness.  
>"Soshite bouyaha nemurini tsuite " His voice sang out a faster version of the melody from his childhood. In my mind the crowd had disappeared and only the four of us stood alone in the world pouring our hearts into the sound. "Ikizuku haino nakano hono o hitotsu, futatsuto" we began to harmonize along with him and Lavi played a badass solo. Every emotion we felt slammed out all at once through our music, sending waves of our very souls to who ever could hear us. We played for our lives.<br>And it felt amazing.

Kanda:

It was a long night. A long, exhilarating concert. Even I would admit that it was amazing. My long hair allowed strands to clung to my sweaty face and neck. The others were in a similar state as we went to the lobby, smiles stretched from ear to ear. Real smiles, even from that brat's face. He had torn off his black coat during the show and untucked his shirt but he still maintained his air of grace. The black and silver Clown Crown mask nestled like another face into the side of his sliverly white hair. Paparazzi exploded around us like a swarm of angry hornets.

"Mr. Walker, will you continue your career for Noah as Clown Crown again?"

"Who are you wearing?"

"What effects do you think Clown Crown's fans will have on Exorcists?"

"Did you three know about his identity previously?" These babbling twits were pissing me off and the others weren't much different. We weren't this big before. Not with . . .

"What does your former singer Alma Karma think about his replacement?" that's it.  
>"Tch. Shut up dumbass." I growled loudly at the man who had shove a big black camera in my face.<br>"Over here guys, I'll take you around back." Komui came through the crowd with two building security men who helped part the sea of people. I watched my fellow band members and thank the crowds, focusing on the white head that seem to shine brightest. "That was amazing guys, I knew the surprise you prepared would be a success Allen."  
>"You knew about that Komui?" the Baka Usagi nearly jumped.<br>"Well yeah, I'm your manager after all!" I purple haired man smiled and adjusted his glasses. Finally we made it to the back exit. It opened on to a cold dirty back street.  
>"Allen Walker!" A slurry gravelly voice shouted excitedly. "It's me, Allen, your biggest fan!" the man was a greasy pot belly who smelled heavily of alcohol.<br>"Sir, you need to leave now." one of the guards stood like a wall in front of the drunk.  
>"Noo~" The creepy ass was wobbling as he stared at the Moyashi. "I love you, Allen. You're beauuuutiful and I wanna make you mine!"<br>"I-I'm flattered sir," The Moyashi was shrinking back as he smiled nervously at the man. "It's nice to meet you but I think you're a bit drunk, you should go home."  
>"Tch. Such a fucking pussy, Baka Moyashi. Fucking leave you drunk ass." I growled menacingly and the man grunted angrily before hobbling backwards.<br>"I love you." He spit viciously and walked away.  
>"Thanks." The brat said weakly.<br>"Dude, your first crazy fan!" the baka Usagi grinned and patted the short boy's shoulder.  
>"That's not quite something to be happy about." Lenalee sighed and swatted the idiot on the side of the head.<br>"She's right." Komui broke in with a serious tone. "I want you to tell me right away if he appears again. You don't need a stalker."

"Tch. Like anyone would care enough about a Moyashi to stalk him." I scoffed, my form of reassurment sounding more like an insult.

"Uh! You're so mean BaKanda! I bet no one likes you cuz you scare them all away!"

"You look so girly only men are attracted to you."

"So? I'm gay! I like men!"

"But they're all old, fat, and greasy!"

We returned to the hotel to shower and make our way to the after party. The four of us were rather tired so Komui promised we wouldn't stay long. By the time we left for the private club it was just past ten, but it felt like we had been out for days.

All of us had changed into more comfortable, club attire as the Usagi put it. Said red head was wearing a black v-neck t-shirt and white skinny jeans. Lenalee had kept the sparkly ass shirt but changed the skirt to black shorts. The Moyashi was in grey jeans and a no sleeve black sweat shirt. Finally Lavi had forced me into black leather pants and a gray and white stripped t-shirt that I cover with my usual leather jacket.  
>The security guard at the door let us into the over crowded dim room pounding with rave music that made my head ache. I began to feel on edge. Alma like this kind of scene. Of course I knew he wouldn't come here. But I felt like everywhere I turned a flicker of familiarity caught the corner of my eye.<p>

"I'm gonna go get a drink." Lavi shouted to us over the music.

"I'll go with you." Lenalee followed the red head. "Stay with Allen!" The bass surged through the air like the pulse of a beating heart. I felt my eyes flickering around at any thing that caught my eye as a sign if that person. It seems the idiot was just as on edge as I was.

"He's here." The Moyashi's voice was weak and thin as he stared into the crowd. The man who had confronted us before was staring intently at our singer from the back of the room. His small gloves fingers latched onto the sleeve of my jacket.

"Stop being such a goddamn idiot. He's probably not even still thinking about a useless brat like you." The words flowed our harsher than I'd anticipated and he shrunk back away from me. It wasn't my fault, I was nervous about being here. This was the city he had run to after all.

"Y-yeah, you're probably right." The Moyashi chuckled in a pathetic way. Suddenly, a flash of charcoal hair moved in the corner of my eye. No. It couldn't be.

I pushed harshly out of his grip on my sleeve and began to shove through the crowd. The brat kept calling after me, but I ignored it as I chased that spiky black hair.  
>In the sea of sweaty dancing clubbers I locked my eyes on that head of jet black hair. "Alma!" I shouted, but the music was pounding and I could hardly hear myself. I continued to call after him as I pushed through the crowd.<br>"Kanda?" Lavi bumped into me as I shouted. "Did you see him?" he said excitedly, but his eyes were frantic.  
>"I-I don't know." I continued to shove through and soon both Lavi and Lenalee were with me. Bass was pounding, people dancing and a stifling aura that seemed to push me farther and farther from my goal. My target pushed open the back door. So close, he was so close. What would I say? What would he say?<p>

Nothing in the world mattered but him. Finally I pushed the icy metal door and ridged air rushed at me.  
>"Alma?"<br>The black head whipped at me, a newly lit cigarette in hand.  
>"Who?" a fair skinned woman in a whorish outfit save me a brainless stare. My stomach dropped to the floor and the worlds started to move again.<br>"Argh!" I screamed and punched the wall. I slammed my fists on bricks again and again until I felt the skin on my hands break.  
>"Kanda." Lenalee said softly, putting her small hands on mine.<br>"Sorry, we mistook you for someone else." I heard Lavi say to that woman.  
>"Whatever." She said and I smelled the thick smoke wafting from her cancer stick.<br>"Let's go back inside, Kanda." The two of them brought me back into the club, a gentle silence hanging over us. I didn't want to be there anymore and from the looks of it, neither did the others.  
>"Can we just go?" I felt defeat controlling my voice.<br>"Yeah, I'll call up a cab." The shiny black car reserved for us pulled up just as we arrived outside. "Wait," the Usagi stopped suddenly and grabbed my arm. "Where's Allen?" My eyes widened and I held my breath a moment. "Kanda? Where. Is. Allen?" his grip began to dig into my leather jacket.  
>"I don't know." Instantly, Lavi was darting back into the club.<br>"Lavi! Wait!" Lenalee started after him, but turned back at me with a furious glare. "We told you to stay together!" whipping sharply back around she ran back in.

The energy to stand drained from my body and I fell to my knees.

Allen:

I felt alone in the endless sea of dancing people. Never had I been so afraid of a crowded room. My heart beat spiked and the sound felt muted to my ears.

A damp rag touched around my face. I knew what this was and I tried to hold my breath, but adrenaline began to run through my veins. I gasped for air, allowing the sharp scent of chemicals to flood my head. Thick arms ensnared themselves around my body as I drifted to black.  
>Help me, someone. Anyone. Don't leave me alone.<br>The cold prickled my skin like needles on numbness. Darkness filled me with a sense of loneliness. I'm scared. Fearful for my life. Rough ropes bound my wrists high above my head pulling my body slightly off the frozen concrete ground. The course sac over my head failed to provide any warmth and the air clenched an icy grip on my bare feet. Heavy breaths could be heard from in front of me. Footsteps approached at an excruciatingly slow pace. Finally, the sac was yanked off my head, scratching harshly against my face. That greasy face smiled wildly at me.  
>"It's nice to meet you again, Allen."<br>"What do you want from me?" My voice quivered in fear. I honestly did not know what he wanted and somehow that frightened me even more.

"I just want to be with you!" He said violently. "I love you, Allen! Can't you see that?"  
>"I don't know you!" I shouted, trying to look up at him, but it was near impossible with the way my hands were tied.<br>"No, no, no, but I know you." He started squealing like a pitting pig. "I love you! And you're not going to leave me. You love me back. I know it!"  
>"You're sick." I spat at his feet.<br>"NO!" A cold shoe slammed into my cheek, knocking my head to the wall. "No! No! NO! Why can't you just love me?"  
>"You're a psycho!" Another kick slammed into my stomach and saliva splattered out of my lips. The new forming bruise on my body began to throb. "Just let me go. Someone will catch you and you'll be arrested!"<br>"No, no, no I'm not!" My captor growled darkly as he bent down and breathed in my face. His sour breath was hot and moist, it made me want to throw up. "No one's coming for you! Because only I love you! No one will care for you like I will!"  
>"That's not true!"<br>"Of course it is." His disgusting voice began to soften in a frightening and unstable way. "Only I love you. And we're going to be together forever!"

"No!" I fiercely head butted him causing the man to cry out and stumble backwards. Struggling futilely I tried to break the binds around my wrists. Before I knew it the back of my head collided with the wall and a sharp pain brought a hot wetness to the back of my head.

"Damn it Allen! Why can't you just admit your love for me?" He flipped out a shiny silver switch blade and squatted down in front of me. My heart began to race and my breathing hitched. He was going to kill me!  
>"Please stop!" I cried futilely. "I don't want to die!" Hot tears found there way down my cheeks in a flood.<br>"I always imagined us dying together. Our undying love was unaccepted so we decided to end it all, together." A serene grin crept across his ugly face. "you asked for me to slit your wrist, starting with your deformed one and then mine so we could slowly die together." I couldn't stop myself from wailing and screaming as I cried, trying to get away from the blade.

"Please!" I sobbed out, but in my struggle, I felt the cold metal slice into my veins, dragging down allowing rivulets of blood to chase the blade down my arm. Screaming, again the knife plunged into my other wrist. In a last surge of energy, I kneed the man in the chin sending him back to the ground. My struggle had loosened and cut the rope enough for me to break free.

I could no longer think, only run for the stairs to my right. The adrenaline pumped through me and could no longer feel anything, but ice on my feet. I slammed at the door, but it was locked and the psycho was approaching. In a last second of fury I pulled the blade from my wrist and slashed blindly at his neck. He stumbled back a few steps before tumbling down with a sickening crack.

The man was dead.

But if I didn't get help soon, so would I. Adrenaline was still rushing through me, but not for much longer. In my shaking right hand I slammed the knife into the cracked wood until it cracked enough for me to slam through. (AN: I know this is improbable. . . but what ever) The chill winter air rushed around me as I looked out into the trees. As I ran, I could see a road up ahead, but my vision was going blurry. It was so cold out. So fitting for the night before Christmas.  
>I couldn't run any longer, but I began to stumble towards the lit road. "Help me." I rasped out. "Save me." My mind was going blank. "Kanda."<p>

A veil of white fog fell around me. Then . . .

Lavi:

Everything was coming full circle. Were we going to lose our singer again? Lose our light again? Trust gained then lost, again. We failed Allen. All of us were on edge being in the same city as Alma. But who were we kidding? He wasn't going to show up just to see us. We knew that yet we neglected Allen when he needed us.

The three of us sat around the coffee table, a glowing fire to my right and empty chair to my left. We sat in silence, praying that the police would find him. Anxiety and fear hung in the air clouding our minds. The clock began to began to strike.

One. A phone ran in on of the officer's hands.

Two. He answered.

Three. They talked.

Four. He ordered some people around.

Five. They glanced at us.

Six. A female officer walked towards us.

Seven. She got our attention.

Eight. She spoke in a soft, comforting voice.

Nine. Silence.

Ten. Tears began to flow down Lenalee's cheeks.

Eleven. The two of us began to sob and Kanda ran out, the faintest trace of tears gracing his eyes.

Twelve. Our lives had collapsed.

Happy Birthday Allen. Merry Christmas.


End file.
